


But Now You're Gone

by Kiishere



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Buckle up kids this is gonna be a ride, Car Accidents, Character Death, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mentions of Blood, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-23 10:03:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11400324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiishere/pseuds/Kiishere
Summary: I wrote this with my friend JasBold=HerNormal=Me





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sit down and buckle your seatbelts bc you are not prepared

I handed her the flowers, “Hey, how are you doing it’s been awhile hasn't it. Yeah, I guess I'm good but nothing has really been the same since the accident. I started talking to myself a lot lately and waiting for responses because I've been so used to you being there, but now you're dead and oh look I'm crying over your grave…” My tears fell and left damp marks on the concrete slab.

 

**The wind rustled, but that was the only sound around. His hair moved gently and he sat down, leaning against the slab. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't know.”** **_he covered his face, attempting to wipe off the tears before they could become visible. He thought about the accident again, the day still fresh in his mind, the phantom feeling_ ** **of her blood on his face never going away.**

 

 I still remember it so vividly, why did I have to be so stupid? Why didn't I listen?  _ “Come on babe let's go for a ride!” I cheered and she laughed.  _

 

_ “Why now? Its like 2am!” She looked at me questioningly. “I'm not sure if that's safe…” _

 

_ I walked over and picked her up bridal style, “Come on it'll be fun!” _

 

**_He dropped her into the car, and hopped into the driver side, backing up to get out of the garage then quickly speeding out of it at around 50 mph._ **

 

**_“Saeyoung, slow down!” she yelled at him, fighting to stay calm._ **

 

**_“Speed up? Faster? I mean-alright.” He pressed the gas pedal down as hard as he could accelerating to 97 mph._ **

_ “N-No! Saeyoung I said slow down!” She yelled desperately, her eyes had become filled with panic and fear. “Please.” _

 

_ “Trust me babe! I'm the best driver you'll ever see!” I continued driving, not even noticing how terrified she looked. _

 

_ I kept going and going until we got to a sharp turn that I knew all to well, “Babe look what I can do!” I laughed as I got ready to make the turn. All I can remember are her screams as we hit the guardrail, the impact of the crash made her fall forward hitting her forehead on the dashboard. _

 

**_He woke up to sirens and he scrambled for her, but her body was lying limp, and cold. He gasped from the pain, and got out of the car, then went to her side and pulled her out. He cradled her sobbing touching his forehead to hers, until the paramedics forcibly took her from his arms. The blood on his face drying on his face, the only remnant of her he had._ **

 

_ I was fine, why was I fine? I had done this to her, I hurt her but still I got out with only a few cuts and some bruises. They immediately took her in for an operation, it was painful waiting for her to come out of that room. But she never did… _

 

_ “Sir...I'm so sorry..” Those four words had changed my entire life, I didn't have to listen to the rest to know. The one who taught me how to love was dead, and it was all my fault. They offered if I wanted to see her, just one more time.  _

 

_ It was depressing to think about, I could only see my wife one more time before she's gone forever. I can't recall much of what happened after that. I didn't pay much attention, hoping it was all just a dream.  _

 

_  I don't even remember how I got home, all I remember is just laying on our shared bed hugging her pillow as I sobbed. Her pillow smelt like her, or maybe it didn't and I justi wanted to have some part of her left next to me. I didn't leave that bed for days, hugging that pillow not even noticing his hungry I was, or how thirsty, or anything.  _

 

 I had stopped crying by now, maybe because I had no tears left to cry. “Oh MC…” I sighed. “If you could see me now you'd be so disappointed…” I stood up, the sun was setting and it was getting colder. 

 

“Darling, I wish I could stay longer but…” I trailed off. “I'll come visit you tomorrow...I'll get you new flowers and everything, I promise.” I talked to her as if she was there,  **which she was I could feel her. She was watching over me, I couldn't tell if she was disappointed, mad, or happy. Maybe all 3. I walked** back to my car and got in, I took a glance at her grave one last time before driving off, heading home.

 

**He looked at the ditches next to the road, mulling over what she felt like, what her last thoughts were. He couldn't decide if it was better if it was about herself or him. He wished he could fight the curiosity, to say it was better not to know, however it was all he could think about. Was he last breath fearful, content, spiteful…**

 

**He shook his head, making his car swerve just a bit, reminding him how easy it would be to finish himself off, how he should've died. Saeyoung didn't even have to reassurance that she wanted him alive. Thoughts clawing at his head whipped themselves into a frenzy, why was he always the only one to make it out safe, every light in his life snuffed out by none other than himself.**

 

**He closed his eyes, imagining death and… he was scared, not of dying, but of seeing her again, a scorn in her eyes that he'd never seen in her, she'd tell him he was a murderer, and while he was on his knees apologizing she would look him in the eyes and call him a murderer. He couldn't die yet, because of what he feared beyond the grave.**

 

I couldn't get rid of these thoughts, no matter what someone would tell me I was sure that she hated me. No, hate couldn't possibly describe how she must feel about me. What kind of husband am I? I can't even protect my own wife, the one person who meant everything to me. After a ride that seemed like hours, but in reality was only 15 minutes, I arrived home. As I entered it felt empty, I wasn't happy to return home like I used to be. Less than a month ago I would've been bursting with excitement to walk through the front door and see her beautiful face waiting for me. But it wasn't like that now, when I walked through the front door I was met with the very definition of loneliness.

  
I hadn't had a good look at this place ever since the accident, and I wished  I never did. Everything reminded me of her. That chair was the chair she was sitting in before we went on the ride, oh god I needed to get rid of that chair it needed to be gone. Oh and there is the book she was reading before I interrupted her. I walked over and picked it up carefully like it was glass that would surely break if I moved too quickly, I opened it to where the bookmark was. This was the last thing she did in this house, the last thing she touched. I put the bookmark in my pocket and sighed. I walked into the kitchen I didn't go in here much at all, I barely knew where anything was, she always cooked for me. I looked to our small table that we never used and she usually just put important things on, I flinched as I looked at it all of this stuff was hers. But one thing caught my eye, it was so tiny I almost missed it. A small white stick sitting there on the table set out so she would find it, it was positive.


	2. Chapter 2

All I could do was stare. She was pregnant, with my child, and I killed her. I killed her I killed my baby. I could’ve had a family, we could've been happy. But I fucked it up, I always fuck up. I looked at it again, this time tears filled my eyes. “...my baby...I didn't mean to hurt you...daddy didn't mean to….” I barely choked out.

 

Oh god I was a failure not only as a husband, but as a father. Tears were streaming down my face, my chest ached with pain. “I'm so so sorry...so sorry….” I repeated, begging forgiveness. 

I was screaming at this point. “Please! She didn't deserve this! My baby didn't do anything!” I was on the floor at this point, my tears dripping onto the wooden material and my fists banging against it.

 

**At this point he thought he was used to the silence, but the lack of reply rattled his bones. His sobs shook his body, making it hard to catch a breath. He lost something he didn't even know about. And he wished he had never found out.**

 

**Gathering a breath, Saeyoung got on his feet, trying to steady himself. But collapsed to the ground in sobs again. It took two or three tries until he could get up, forcing himself to walk to the bedroom and lie in the bed that still smelled like her.**

 

**He played through the childhood his kid would never have, the times he would've shared with his wife, but now he has nothing… nothing but a house, brimming**

**memories and what might've been.**

 

I stared at the ceiling and started to speak, as if she could answer me, “Darling, I'm sorry.” I started off.

 

I imagined her reply, her voice ringing through my ears,  _ “Saeyoung, how could you do this to me and our baby?”  _

 

I spoke back, “Sweetie...I didn't know.” I pleaded, I needed her forgiveness. 

 

“You should've listened to me...then you wouldn't be laying in bed talking to yourself.” Her sweet voice had a hint of bitterness.

 

“What?” ...I had been talking to myself.

 

**He thought opening messager would help, but he couldn't bring himself to open it. Zen couldn't forgive him, he yelled at him every time he opened a chat. Yoosung pitied him, but blamed him as well. Jaehee was the most understanding by far, offering her condolences. Jumin attempted to comfort him, but he wasn't good at it, but he did offer somewhere else to stay… but he couldn't leave.**

 

**He glanced at the shadow of her holding their child, kind eyes smiling at him. He reached forward to find he was grasping at nothing but air. He found that he preferred the hallucination that blamed him, this one brought his aching heart and longing for her to the forefront of his mind**

 

**“I don't deserve to be here…”**

 

I don't want to be here anymore. I can't live like this, not without her. I needed an escape, who could blame me. My wife and unborn child are dead, everyone in my life hates me, and I'm laying in bed imagining what it would be like if she was still here with me. 

 

Maybe logging into the chatroom, just one last time. I grabbed my phone, dust had gathered onto the screen. I sighed as I clicked on the app, I didn't bother reading the messages beforehand.

 

{Saeyoung Choi has entered the chatroom}

 

Zen: ????

 

Yoosung: Oh my god Seven is here!!

 

Zen: Why are you so excited? He has the nerve to face us after killing her!

 

{Jaehee Kang has entered the chatroom}

 

Jaehee: What is going on here?

 

Zen: Saeyoung's here….

 

Jaehee: Oh Saeyoung! How are you?

 

I smiled, just like it was last time. Good to see things don't change to much for them. Even if they are mad at me, they have every reason to be.

 

Saeyoung: Hi guys I just wanted to say...goodbye, thank you for being my friends

 

Yoosung: What do you mean goodbye?

 

Jaehee: Yes this is a bit concerning.

 

**Saeyoung: I'm just going on fun trip, legendary defender 707 out of his house.**

 

**He posted a gif of his icon smiling.**

 

**Zen: You piece of shit.**

 

**Yoosung: ?????**

 

**Jaehee: Saeyoung?**

 

**[Saeyoung has left the chat]**

 

**He closed his eyes, pondering if he should,leave a note. What was right in this situation, to give them closure or let them believe what they wanted…**

 

**Saeyoung wandered over to his computer, moving,all his funds to Yoosung’s bank account. Yoosung would probably take this the hardest, but some money to get him along wouldn't hurt. Jumin would understand. Jaehee might despise him… Zen might buy that it was just karma.**

 

**He hopped in one of his cars, and drove slowly to the cliff that he proposed to… her on. He couldn't bring himself to say her name, not even in his thoughts he'd lost that privilege when he lost her. He remembered her smile as she looked at the stars. How hard she tried for him,** **_how she died for him, because of him._ **

 

**Then he pushed the gas pedal.**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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